if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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