I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
