I am in a vortex of obligation.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize