Can Purell be used as lube?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
