i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
