My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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