shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
