I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
