Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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