six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I party with great urgency now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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