Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
