i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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