what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
