that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
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