Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
