Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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