i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize