I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
