i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize