But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i think my tv is drunk
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
