he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
