I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Me too!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
