U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My hand turned me down
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize