hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
