so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
