i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
