Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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