If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
