I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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