normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
