I wanna bring you to show and tell
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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