I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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