I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
