when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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