Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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