So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
