he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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