Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
