Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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