He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize