im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
