Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
