We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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