my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize