I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
