At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
