Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
