Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize