Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
