i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
