Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize