you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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