i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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