the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
