I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize