You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
