Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
