you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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