You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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