I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize