ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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