guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
