bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
