I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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