reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
