I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
