Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
