On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Randomize
