Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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