when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
